The Funhouse Massacre is a film that could have gone either way. A few recognizable faces are plastered on the movie’s poster that states “Murder is all part of the show”. Even the trailer, as goofy as it seemed, didn’t exactly scream of quality cinema. So you can imagine my surprise when I found myself completely engaged with this “love letter to the 80’s and 90’s” only 10 minutes in. It’s hard to place a finger on exactly what it is that The Funhouse Massacre gets right, but it’s as if I was placed in a time machine and sent to a more simple time in horror. A time where all that mattered were buckets of blood and cheesy one-liners. The Funhouse Massacre is a love letter in every sense of the phrase.

We follow three sets of people; a group of work friends that close shop early to check out the town’s new Funhouse, a set of notorious serial killers that escape captivity to murder the townsfolk in the aforementioned Funhouse, and a local sheriff and deputy that aim to save the day. It’s a robust, but simple setup. My only complaint is the brief amount of time that we share with some of the killers. I found them all to be surprisingly interesting and likable. Of course, spending more time with all of them would lengthen the film tremendously – so I understand the decisions that were made. Even the “good guys” are all enjoyable. A nervous romance in the early stages, a passionate and sex-crazed couple, a pair of stoners, and a police force that is tremendously well balanced. The story isn’t all that imaginative, but I’ll be damned if it isn’t executed to near perfection. Throw this thing on VHS 30/35 years ago, and it would fit right at home. And don’t get me started on the effects…

In a move that should make horror fans around the globe rejoice, the team behind The Funhouse Massacre opted for practical effects. They’re over-the-top, cheesy, and absolutely glorious. If things are going to look ridiculous, they may as well look good, right? Necks are slit, heads are smashed, faces are drilled, and microphones are swallowed as the Funhouse attendees are picked off one by one.

As tends to happen in the 90 minute horror film, the pace begins to drag just a tad in the 3rd quarter of the film. Luckily, things pick up to create a completely acceptable conclusion. The Funhouse Massacre isn’t here to reinvent the wheel. It’s here to satisfy the taste of those that go on and on about how much better horror movies were in the past. As someone that strongly disagrees with that thought – I had a blast with this one, and I’m fairly confident that you will too. The Funhouse Massacre plays to audiences of both the past and the present – and that’s not something that is easily done.

The Funhouse Massacre is hitting AMC theaters on Friday the 13th of November, 2015. We’ll have home video and VOD details for you as they come our way.

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