Two guys, one cup, and a burning bear suit: a discussion about Ari Aster’s ‘Midsommar’

The following is adapted from a conversation between Modern Horrors writers Justin Travis & Finely Ash, which started with a relatively simple question: Did Christian deserve his fate in Midsommar? What followed was a conversation that covered several issues about relationships, boundaries, and mental health. Spoilers for Midsommar follow.

Did Christian deserve what he got?

Finley:

In real life, no, of course not. Christian’s an asshole, to be sure. But so are a lot of people and they don’t deserve to die. But in movie terms, yes. It’s an oversimplification, but Dani is codependent. As long as Christian is around, she’s going to look to him to carry her emotional baggage. His death symbolizes her ability to move past that. Also, fuck him and that fucking … face on his face.

Justin:

Exactly! Therein lies my problem! She is codependent. Even in movie terms, I feel bad for the guy. Christian is a victim of Dani’s inability to handle her own emotions. She’s literally using him. Christian is an autonomous person who has been diminished to a suitcase for emotional trauma at Dani’s doing. She’s been made out to be some sort of feminist icon, but she’s fucking not. She’s a nightmare person.

All his death symbolizes is a transference of that dependency. She hasn’t grown or changed, but rather found a new group of people to carry her baggage for her. It also symbolizes the trail of victims that emotionally reliant people often leave in their wake.

Finley:

I agree that your reading is supported by the textual narrative, but it misses the point. And I think you’re confusing identification with iconography. I don’t think anyone with half a brain is idolizing Dani as a saint. And Christian isn’t “suitcasing” shit. He’s a Teflon-coated rain slicker just letting her trauma bead up and roll right off him. In the end she found people who will literally share her grief. I may be wrong, but my understanding is that the point of the ending is Dani finding a family that will give her the unconditional love that she seeks.

Whether that’s good or bad is a different discussion. But to say that she transferred how Christian was functioning to the cult is like saying, “I was using this banana to dig holes, but now I have a shovel and they both do the same thing.”

Justin:

I’m sure there’s probably a pretty large faction that identifies with her, but she definitely has also been practically sainted in a lot of cases as well.  Also, for the record, I’m definitely not pro-him or anti-her, and it’s very possible I’m misremembering or outright forgetting some things. I just think a lot of the conversation that this movie was intended to spark is missing and it’s been morphed into, “he bad, she good, happy ending.”

In your metaphor you’re using them the same way. Is the new one more effective? Sure. But in the movie there’s no personal growth there. That codependency is very much still intact. And whether or not people have half a brain is always up for debate, my friend.

Yes, he’s ineffective as a suitcase, but that’s how she attempts to use him. She also gives zero fucks whatsoever for his personal boundaries, feelings, etc. She treats him as if his sole role in life is to cater to her emotional trauma. He is definitely very much a scumbag, I really don’t want it to come across as defending him. My problem is that the give and take in the movie has somehow gotten buried.

Is Dani ‘using’ Christian?

Finley:

I think that take is a tad reductive. We only see their lives at a moment when she’s going through a serious trauma. It’s natural for her to turn to Christian for support. Should she not? If he doesn’t want to provide that, it’s up to him to set boundaries. He’s too cowardly to do that.

Christian is a garbage person. He wants nothing to do with actually helping Dani but he’s got too little backbone to actually have a fucking conversation with her. He treats her like shit hoping she’ll bounce and he doesn’t have to feel like a bad guy. In the real world, does he deserve to die because of that? No. But in movie terms, yes—because the movie is working through that kind of toxic relationship stuff.

Justin:

There are context clues before the traumatic event though, showing that her using him as an emotional support dog is not a new or unusual thing. She says it flat out. “I rely on him too much. I’m always expecting so much of him.” I think that she’s aware that he’s growing distant because she puts too much emotional labor on him and he’s not equipped to take it on. She knows that she’s smothering him and it’s pushing him away. But she continues to do it anyway, so that self-awareness really doesn’t mean anything. Being self-aware is really only a virtue if it’s applied and steps are taken to change the behavior. In this case they’re not.

Finely:

I read that as her being self-aware of her own shortcomings. She’s saying to herself, “I need to learn to handle more of this shit on my own.” It’s not as if she can look at Christian and recognize that he’s not comfortable with this level of intimacy. He’s the one to invite her to Sweden in the first place. At best, he’s sending mixed signals.

Do Dani and Christian love each other?

Justin:

It’s interesting how his care for her is questioned, while hers is assumed and accepted. She lets him burn, in my opinion, because he’s only valuable to her for the function he serves, or the one she tries to bestow on him at least. I don’t think he would’ve let her burn at all. But it’s assumed he’s the one who doesn’t care about her. When she’s crowned May Queen, it’s her joy that she wants to share. He still just serves as a prop for her emotions.

Finley:

His care for her is questioned because the narrative text tells the audience to question it. His repeated conversations with his friends call into question whether he actually loves her. I don’t think people can be blamed for following those overt cues. Conversely, it doesn’t really tell us anything explicit, so it’s natural to assume that Dani genuinely cares for Christian. At the point she is crowned May Queen, she recognizes how much grief she’s burdened him with, so now she wants to share something positive with him.

I’m not saying she’s all good and he’s all bad. I’m just saying the narrative gives us more reason to question his love for her than hers for him.

Justin:

I don’t think it does though. I think, whether intentional or not, it offers pretty equal evidence of both. Especially on a second viewing, I’m genuinely questioning her love for him too. The only time she speaks to him about him or his feelings or interests, anything about him really, she asks “are you going to use Sweden as inspiration for your thesis?” Throughout the rest of the film, every time she talks to him it’s about her or her thoughts or her feelings.

It’s not a theory I’m 100% sold on either. Just something I’m bouncing around. After rewatching I am pretty sure he definitely cares about her to some degree.

Finley:

I think he feels obligated to care about her. He doesn’t even remember her damn birthday, man.

Who should have broken up with whom?

Finley:

Christian doesn’t love Dani. He doesn’t even really like her. But because she’s somewhat emotionally frail, he doesn’t want to break up with her. It sounds noble, but it’s really selfish. Breaking up with her is the right thing to do, but it will make him feel bad. So what does he do instead? He becomes emotionally distant. He hopes she will do the hard work for him. I know because I have done this exact same thing before. But, in my defense, I was 16 not 23. So he can go die in a fire.

Justin:

Oh, I agree 100%. I’d be willing to wager every dude in the world has been that guy before. I agree with every bit of that except for the last line. He’s not good, but I don’t think he’s that bad either. Like definitely not good by any stretch, but he’s not a monster. He’s just an everyday bastard. And the lack of personal growth for Dani is what really chaps my ass.

That introspection should be present on both sides, instead of it just being laid on Christian’s chest. My favorite thing about the movie is that it was relatively balanced until the end. He’s a fucking bastard, sure. 100%. But he does do some good. And she’s the fragile, wounded bird character, but she does wrong. It’s all in perspective. It just doesn’t seem like anyone else got that same thing out of it. And does wrong is probably the wrong way to put it. Unhealthy relationship habits is probably more accurate.

Finley:

That’s the whole point of the movie I think. Aster is saying we normalize these kinds of destructive relationship behaviors, but they’re actually monstrous and evil. Either that, or it’s a cautionary tale. Don’t be a spineless wimp or you’ll end up dead in a bear suit in Sweden.

And if Christian doesn’t communicate boundaries, how is she to know that she’s doing wrong? I keep coming back to the fact that he invites her to come to Sweden with him. He’s offering her a level of intimacy that he’s not actually comfortable sharing. What’s more, he’s doing it during a time when she’s extremely vulnerable. I don’t think it’s fair to hold Dani responsible for violating boundaries when she can’t figure out where the hell they are. You have to take responsibility and set your own boundaries.

Justin:

I think she does know. I’m 100% convinced of that. Dani should have known that he was inviting her out of pity and guilt, not because he wanted her to go. He invites her after not even telling her about the trip until two weeks before he leaves? Stevie Wonder could see that! Should she have said no? I don’t know. Did she know he probably didn’t want her to go? Yes.

Ultimately, she should have broken up with him, and he should have broken up with her. They both stayed in an unhappy, unhealthy relationship for selfish reasons, and both paid steep consequences. From a screenwriting standpoint, there’s only 2 reasons for having her bring up how much emotional baggage she puts on him. The first would be to set up a flaw within the character, something for the character to work on and overcome. But that doesn’t happen in the film. The second is to establish a relationship dynamic. He’s cold and distant and uncaring, and she’s needy and smothering and reliant on him for his emotional labor. Both are unhealthy traits, and both are resolved in somewhat poetic ways on screen. Her vulnerability is exploited to indoctrinate her, and for his coldness he’s literally melted.

Finley:

Putting what either one of them should have done aside, I can’t get on board with the idea that it’s Dani’s responsibility to see that Christian is unhappy and allow him to exit the relationship without negative consequences. Especially not during a time when she was getting something she very much needed after her entire family just died. Putting that responsibility on her is just ice cold.

Justin:

But the movie gives us no evidence that she was happy either. On the contrary actually, by your own assertion, she wasn’t getting what she needed. She was still trying to press it onto him, but she wasn’t getting what she was looking for.

Finley:

I’ll argue that she was getting enough. She wasn’t getting everything that she wanted, but she had his presence. She was getting performative compassion, preferable to an empty room. She was getting the bare minimum.

Justin:

“Bear” minimum.

But that doesn’t support the assertion that she loves him. Especially in someone emotionally dependent. She loves what she got from him. She also needed more and was unhappy and unsatisfied in the relationship, so she could and should have ended it just as he could and should have.

But that doesn’t make it any more excusable. Using someone is using someone, regardless of how understandable it is, and it’s evident it started before the murder-suicide. So, yes, I believe she’s also culpable. Christian’s gaslighting of her? Terrible and inexcusable. But Dani provoking and baiting him is also not okay. I’ve been on his side of the relationship before. It ain’t a fucking walk in the park either.

Finley:

I don’t disagree. I’m just saying I think you’re expecting too much emotional maturity from someone who just lost her entire family and, for all we know, has no other support group. If I can forgive anyone of being selfish, it’s that person at that point in time.

Justin:

I see your point, and I’ll concede you that. But also, I can forgive not dumping the girl you care for right after her entire family is murdered. Especially when you were the one who said “it’s just another ploy for attention.” Surprise! They all ate a muffler and now that’s guilt you’re saddled with for life. I think the same story told from the other perspective would work just as well and be just as effective.

Finley:

I’m not saying I don’t understand Christian’s actions. But ultimately he was in a stronger position and doomed himself. You gotta commit, and pick a lane. Remember what Mr. Miyagi said in The Karate Kid? “Karate do: yes, safe. Karate do: no, safe. Karate do: guess so? Sooner or later *squish* just like burning alive in bear suit.” (Paraphrased.)

When Dani’s family dies, Christian needed to make a choice to either be all in and be what she needs. And if he couldn’t do that for any reason, he needed to nut up and say, “I can’t be what you need right now and in the long run you’re better off without me.” But because he does neither, he gets squished like a grape.

And you’re right, the same analogy works for her. She has similar choices and awareness. I don’t see it as a happy ending, and never did. And I think both of them got what they deserved, figuratively speaking. Grow and learn to care for yourself or get squashed and brainwashed into creepy death cult.

Are their fates equally horrible?

Justin:

He got it a whole lot worse though. Christian is literally burned alive in a hollowed out bear, staring at the mutilated remains of his best friends. At least Dani gets the illusion of happiness and serenity, not to mention an unlimited supply to the dankest mushrooms in Europe. He got burned alive inside of a bear husk. Granted, she is gonna catch a giant hammer to the melon, but that’s like 50 years away.

Finley:

Dani is technically alive, but in the husk of a person. She’s become a slave to an evil hive mind cult. Without any free will, can you really call that living? Sure, she’s also lost all of the things that were making her normal life a living hell, but brainwashing will do that to you. I think you could make a convincing case that it’s a fate equal to or worse than death.

Justin:

Oh, absolutely. But that would become a matter of preference. Would you rather lose your life or lose yourself? Not a life I’d want by any means. But better than burning alive inside of a freshly hallowed out bear knowing your girlfriend did it to you?

Finley:

I mean, we all gotta die somehow. That’s like being served feces and then being asked “would you like some oregano?” Sure, maybe you want to use every spice available if you’re forced to eat a shit sandwich, but would you really consider your position materially improved over someone eating a shit sandwich with no spices?

Justin:

Not exactly, but I definitely wouldn’t want to trade places with the fella, ya know? I think all the friends being in there all stuffed and fucked up is one of the worst parts about it too. Having to be in there with them. Waiting to die, watching them burn. It’s like watching the guy take the shit that you have to eat.

Finley:

Two guys, one cup, and a burning bear suit …