I don’t know the first thing about hockey, but I’m a big believer in the power of horror. The trailer for Wayne Harry Johnson Jr.’s Ahockalypse convinced me that I could walk away from the final product none the wiser on the sport of hockey per se–but with a huge grin indicative of time well spent. Unfortunately, that wasn’t the case. No matter how many swings Ahockalypse takes in its brisk hour and fifteen minute run time, it misses its shot time and time again.
That’s not to say it’s without success. I’ll admit that blow after blow of lowbrow one liners eventually wore me down and extracted a genuine chuckle or two from me. I’m ashamed, but yeah–Ahockalypse is actually kinda funny. Kinda. Sometimes. That said, any comedic success is typically ran into the ground shortly thereafter or lingers for far too long. It’s a strategy that feels particularly painful with the compact runtime and leaves the end result feeling even more hollow than you’d already expect when pressing play on a movie called Ahockalypse.
Aesthetically, things are far from impressive. Lighting and white balance suffer greatly on interior shots, shot composition is all over the place, and almost all blood comes in the form of CGI overlays. And for a film that’s about the Zombie Apocalypse, it’s surprisingly light on zombies… or apocalypse. Viewers typically follow a group of survivors running from one empty location to another while taking breaks for comedic pitches. These moments do well to keep the narrative on the tracks, but it’s all so thin that there are few connections to characters or meaningful ramifications for the decisions they make. That problem is only compounded by fairly poor performances turned in by all involved.
It helps that Ahockalypse makes no attempt to take itself seriously, but not even a relatively charming sense of selfawareness can save this one. With very little to offer horror fans, and even less to those outside the genre, your best bet is to avoid this one altogether.
Ahockalypse is available on digital platforms August 17th.
‘Ahockalypse’ Misses its Shot [Review]