If you temporarily lose your mind and watch Altergeist, then somehow enjoy it, let me know.  We can never be friends.  Now you might be saying to yourself, “that’s pretty harsh, Jacob”.  You clearly have made the wise decision of staying away from this shimmering turd masquerading as a horror film.

Altergeist follows the investigation of a winery that is widely purported to be haunted.  And that’s where the interesting parts stop.  While watching this I found myself contemplating doing the dishes, vacuuming the carpet, cleaning out the fireplace, or anything else to take my attention away.  The acting is abysmal, the story is old and tired, a Lifetime original has better presentation, and unless you’re afraid of falling asleep, the fear factor doesn’t exist.

So let’s practice our one word movie reviews: tedious, atrocious, insipid.  Pick one.  If I haven’t made it abundantly clear, stay away from this film.  I’ve suffered enough for all of us.